I thought this blog would never happen....

This was written 12/6/15

Well today was tough I got a no and a offer that was just not affordable. I felt down and allowed my doubt to take over my thoughts all day. I knew the first job was not where I belonged and felt like I should be grateful that door was shut. Although I knew God was going to provide it was so hard to keep my spirits high.

This was written 12/15/15

God why have you forsaken me do you not see all the things I do for you, do you not see how much I've grown and do you not see how much I've changed my life. Why am I going though this? Here I am sitting here at the social services parking lot where I just applied for food stamps and thankfully was approved but just denied for housing income assistance . I don't know of anyone can hand me 600.00 so it looks like I may not have a home after January 1. I just got a late notice on my car payment and LOC. This stress is causing so much strife in my home and I know its my fault lord help me not let my doubt effect my friendship. I need to learn self control in this and I know now im sorry for not trusting you but Im literally sitting in my driveway  this is really hard I cant do this its too hard I just want to be financially secure so I can pay off everything and have money in my savings so "this" never happens again....God help me I just want to give up.

Morning of 12/16/15
 Well called the daycare and they are still waiting for my paper work but may not be able to guarantee me full time hours. I just realized I have to pay my bill for my phone by Thursday or it will be turned off ....man I really don't know what im going to do.......I really need to get some stuff for our fundraiser but I don't have enough money for gas and supplies......


This afternoon and evening  12/16/15

This morning a friend asked if I could clean their house ( money for my car payment and LOC that is past due) I found my Walmart gift card that had just enough money to fill up my tank. Lastly this evening at 9pm I was offered a job that is making twice as much as my previous offers and I start tomorrow.

 I remember when I started this journey of wanting to be a nanny again and my prayer was to nanny for a Christian home that I can educate and take them to lots of field trip. My first offer back in September was for an amazing family but my wants and need where not there and then they went with another nanny. 2 weeks later I was let go but quickly  found a new job and 3 weeks later I was fired. so here we are on day 45 of being unemployed and what did I learn.....Gosh So much! I learned self control, I learned to truly trust God and not to say it, I learned that I had way to much pride, I was ungrateful, I learned to spend time with friends and family, tithe even when its only $6.00 I learned to worship God when your flesh feels like you shouldn't and I learned some addictions where just hiding and not gone. Never once did I loose my home, I was only 11 days late for my car payment and 3 weeks late for my LOC, my phone will be paid tomorrow with about 36 hours to spare, EVERYDAY I had someone buy or make me a meal and most of all I got to spend everyday hanging out with family and friends, praying for strangers, volunteering and just loving on people. I think back and I realize now why every job fell apart but I also feel like God was saying Sarah you have worked full time since you where 15 lets take a vacation....It may have not felt like a vacation to me at first but towards the end learning and resting in his peace was the best vacation I could ask for.

 Yesterday I witnessed a child having a toy taken from him because the dad had already bought the same toy but the updated version. That child threw a fit because his dad didn't give him that toy. The dad only did it because his dad knew he had something better at home but was going to have to wait till Christmas. I feel like so often God  closes a door so we throw a fit and so often he is saying to us hunny I shut this door because I have something better. This is what happen in my life every job I was offered or turn down from the pay is no where near what I'm getting now and its an amazing first door to my career I desire to have. I now hold  this puzzle piece in my life after 45 days saying o I understand why and im so happy I went though this so end my 45 day unemployment (which is no where near as bad as what some people go through) Saying thank you Jesus I lost 2 jobs and was unemployed its been the best 45 days of my life.

Sometimes its just not time....

Well I figured its been awhile since i wrote my last blog and it was long overdue....Well we are in day 34 of unemployed and because of Christ alone  i still have peace. So much has happen in these last 34 days...but this blog is for my ladies. Of course as usual this blog is going to be full of some truth so I'm just warning you now. As many of you know i have been single for a little over two years, in these two years I did rededicate my life to the Lord again. I had given him my heart again but for the romantic part well that I was going to handle.

Growing up in a divorce family was hard and my dad loved me but he just didn't know how to love the way i needed it. I had a great youth group but when it came to christian dating and mentoring well they needed a little help. When i tuned 17 I fell in the hole of well we will call it promiscuous "dating", it was my drug. I would go to parties, clubs and social gatherings...my end goal was to woo a guy get what i wanted and leave him. I wanted the power to use men like well how i thought they so often treated us woman. After way too many drunk nights and lonelier mornings with a case of a bad hungover I decided enough was enough. I woke up one morning after a really drunk night and way too many mistakes and cried after God.

I wish I could tell you the next day i put the bottle down and stopped clubbing but it took a couple months. I found a great small little church and they really helped me get my life in order I really felt like it was where i belonged but it wasn't and after a couple months later I found my home church. Almost a year had gone by and after making sure I had a someone to keep me accountable I was ready to date again. Not too long after that I met a wonderful guy. He was older, great looking, and he was a christian I was so excited but i kept feeling like something was off so i put my guard back up, and bam all of sudden he was mad at me after one night of not being able to have dinner with him. Well i set him straight and a couple days later he sent me a promiscuous text message( of course even after the second time i did not text him back and blocked him. That night I found my self weeping and saying I've worked so hard not to be this person what the heck. At the end of the night someone said to me Sarah your not that person anymore the devil knows how to bring your shame up and hes doing it now!I gave it to God but still felt like i was ready to date.

 That same Sunday I met a wonderful christian man who was basically everything I wanted and we made sure we where going to do it the right way this time so we started doing a bible study together and by chapter 3 I realized I just wasn't ready!I literally wrestled with God saying "Why not he was attractive, he loved the Lord and he was pretty much what i wanted and i felt like needed" so why was it I felt so strongly that it wasn't my time. After God pretty much had to push me I finally told him how i felt and i felt so broken but there was so much peace knowing I was being obedient.  Well God reviled to me "for the first time you met a christian man who shares your desires so you feel like you have to date him but are you really ready can you really be the excellent woman he deserves".

Well after talking to many women i realized I'm not the only one. There are so many woman in this world that feel like there are so little christian men out there so we have to date them when we find them. Admit it you see that hot christian youth leader, worship leader or missionary and you are planning the wedding in your head......As a friend of mine would say "Girl get yo life straight" Ladies they are not the last men on earth no mater how wonderful they are.....the thing is we need to remember is when God is ready he will send you your husband he isn't lost and God cant find him...He's God he knows where your man is. So when you feel lonely cry out to Jesus. I don't care how crazy it sounds but i will literally have dates with Jesus. Ill go out on prayer walks, go out to the beach and read my bible etc. I know this time of the year is hard when there is three engagements on your news feed in one day but listen that's their story not yours. I know every Christmas movie has that man running in grand station but chill! Guard your heart and if that means you don't watch a sappy romantic movie and fast from facebook and watch Elf instead do it.  Sometimes you meet your husband when your 14 and sometimes when your 44, God knows when you ready and who you NEED. Until then reach out to ladies your age and SINGLE. You need each other, If you don't have a group of ladies find it because its needed. Remember God is there even when you feel alone hes there.

Sarah.......

It amazes me every time I'm thinking or going through something. God reassures me through someone in our church. Last night I was just having a hard time trusting I have 5 days until my rent/ utilities is due and I still have another 300 I have to pay. Plus not to mention the money I owe for praxis this quarter. I have applied for over a 100 jobs and just couldn't understand why I haven't been called into one interview...Well I realized for the last couple days I was only fake trusting God. Where did my unstoppable faith go....Well see of course I trusted God I had everything in control until Monday when I was having a hard time getting my last paycheck from a previous job. It was the moment that I realized I have to have a job by 12/1 to make rent for January. Well God so gently reminded me last time it was only 72 hours till I needed a job I got one. Now here is the thing It was Sarai/Hagar situation...When Sarai couldn't get pregnant after God promised she would ... she told her husband to sleep with Hagar (her slave) and guess what....Hagar got pregnant and Sarai was pissed! Well that's basically what happen with my previous job situation I didn't listen to holy spirit and it has not been the best situation.

Genesis teaches us He keeps his promises (Sarai gets pregnant after around 25  years that the Lord told her she would) and he also changes her name to Sarah ....Which I must say is BEAUTIFUL. Christ longs to be active in our life not just when things go bad but ALL the time. We don't trust him, we are impatient and we try to fix everything our self. Right!?!?

God painted me a beautiful picture this morning when I let my roommate's dog out I realized his leash was wrapped around a pole and thought goodness bear we put you on the leash so you have more room but you keep wrapping your self around the pole and so now you have less room to run then you had before. I feel like the same is with our walk. God allows us to have freedom but we often wrap our self around the pole of shame, fear, and stress so we cant go anywhere. So here is my question when are you going to unwrap yourself and freely run after Christ. LET GO of your shame, fear and stress. God has you in this very place good, bad, or sad to because there is a greater work HE is doing. So bring your bad, mad and sad self to Christ. Do not let these thoughts overtake your mind any longer.
God painted me another beautiful picture last night. Our beautiful cyp leader just had a BEAUTIFUL little girl and because she didn't nap yesterday so she was overtired and was fussy. Well there was a couple times when Hannah had to stand up and rock her or even step out of the room to quiet her down. It was a natural reaction for her as a mother that when her daughter cries to calm her down right? Well the same is with the devil  ( Hannah if your reading this I'm not comparing your princess to the devil :P). God so softly spoke to me last night why is it so natural to quiet down a child for you, But when the devil is speaking thoughts of depression, anger and stress in our mind why don't you shut him up. Man this hit me hard OUCH! Its true he floods my mind with stress about money, a home, relationships, fear of being a terrible mom and wife in the future....WHY?, because I let him! Well I did...SO I ask you are you going to allowing  him to keep yelling in your ear or are you going to stand up and declare who Christ is? Christ wants a personal relationship with you, had you been the only person on this world he would of died just for you!!! God doesn't just love, its who he is! He wants you to have a mind of peace and joy. I pray that you read this and a low Christ to have power over thought in your mind.

Jeremiah 31:3 New International Version:

The LORD appeared to us in the past, saying: "I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.

 

John 5:20 New International Version

For the Father loves the Son and shows him all he does. Yes, and he will show him even greater works than these, so that you will be amazed.

 

Psalm 103: 3-10

3 He forgives your sins - every one. He heals your diseases - every one. 4 He redeems you from hell - saves your life! He crowns you with love and mercy - a paradise crown.5 He wraps you in goodness - beauty eternal. He renews your youth - you're always young in his presence. 6 God makes everything come out right; he puts victims back on their feet.7 He showed Moses how he went about his work, opened up his plans to all Israel.8 God is sheer mercy and grace; not easily angered, he's rich in love.9 He doesn't endlessly nag and scold, nor hold grudges forever.10 He doesn't treat us as our sins deserve, nor pay us back in full for our wrongs. 11 As high as heaven is over the earth, so strong is his love to those who fear him.12 And as far as sunrise is from sunset, he has separated us from our sins.13 As parents feel for their children, God feels for those who fear him.14 He knows us inside and out, keeps in mind that we're made of mud.

11 DAYS AND ...TRUSTING....

Psalm 29:11

The LORD gives strength to his people; the LORD blesses his people with peace.

I think so often I read the bible but don't trust what it says....I mean think about this scripture he gives us STRENGTH and BLESSES US WITH PEACE. Okay how often have you felt so weak because you feel like there is no peace in your life? Trust me I get it I have 11 days left until I can continue to not be employed any longer and really I don't have enough money for gas in my truck and food and at times I stress for about 3 minutes!Everyday he provides I have money coming in everyday. BUT what if I didn't what if I applied for every job in Hampton roads and got nothing, what if I filed unemployment and didn't get it, what if I tried every resource out there and still didn't have any help. What if I had to leave the house I rent risk a valuable relationship and had to live with my dad plus have no way to pay my bills. Could I still have peace? Now that's a hard question but a beautiful answer! YES! Why though? It would look like in this very moment Christ let me down I mean hey I had a job where I was making some good money a couple weeks ago and before that I had a great job for 3 years...so WHY?

Well I honestly believe first I've learned so much in 19 days of being employed. I have learned no mater where you work and how hard it is whether it be the work load or your employees God put you there for a reason so work diligently and RESPECT one another even if they are crazy. Second you dont live with in your means until you have to and I realized I get coffee and eat out WAY too much hahhah no but for real how often are we actually good stewards of our money if we added every purchase how often are we wasting our money? Last why do we stress like honestly think about it why? According to phycology today "Neuroscientists have discovered how chronic stress and cortisol can damage the brain. A new study reconfirms the importance of maintaining healthy brain structure and connectivity by reducing chronic stress." it also causes us to gain weight, and have so many more health problems. It doesn't help our situation and it actually prevents the brain to think clearly. I always look at my situation and say what is the worst thing that can happen...and is it really that bad?

I know its hard but cast your problems to Christ look at Sarah and Abraham she was WAY past her child bearing age when Christ said she would have a child and what did she do LAUGH. Then try to say she didn't to God and of course she lost that battle. What a lot of people don't realize is the time the lord said she would have Issac and the time she did was 25 years. WOW that's more than Ive been alive and to hold on to a promise for that long is amazing. BUT wait there is more what did Sarah do she tried to make it happen for herself by allowing her husband to "marry" her slave and then guess what happen her slave got pregnant and Sarah got mad ...well duh what did you think was going to happen...Sarah finally got pregnant had Isaac and then what happen God ask Abraham to sacrifice his one and only son he waited so long for...He went on top of the mountain to sacrifice his son and God in the last minute brought a ram to sacrifice instead....now that is faith! Here I am stressing about bills Lord help my unbelief...so that's why I can YES he will provide for my bills and praxis 9!

God is El Roi meaning he sees what your going through
God is El Shaddai signifies one who nourishes, supplies, and satisfies.
God is Jehovah-Jireh which means provider!

Trips to the ABC to prayer on knees...okay its corny i know

So let me first fill everyone in on my life since its been a month. In my last blog I mentioned how I lost my job that I had for 3 years. Well 72 hours before I was going to be 100% unemployed I got a job offer. I worked at this job for 3 weeks and got fired. I was furious how could they do this I worked over 40 hours a week every week, filled in every shift, came in early and stayed late. I walked out sat in my car and cried. God used one of my coworkers to speak 100% life in my  situation. I was shortly offered a job right after I was fired but of course I was quickly shown that wasn't where God wanted me.

A couple days later us praxis 9 students and Jena headed to NY. Man did I learn a lot .....Like I'm a control freak, Ministry does not allow you to be a control freak and know what's going on every moment, I suck at listening, Ministry is not all glitz and glory sometimes it looks like organizing a 1000 books when you have a migraine and you feel like you ate lava because your stomach hates you at the moment.  Also New Yorkers don't use blinkers but they do use their horns and "hand signals", and you have to drive with faith (Hey did I mention how thankful I am Jena drove) Any who let me get back on track. Some people are natural leaders (point A Sarah Crump) but sometimes God wants us to back down and help other people learn that they are too and you never allow those moments to happen for them. My whole trip I had to learn to be submissive to what God wants in my life...I was the driver in my life and I only pretended like "Jesus took the wheel". I had to learn that God is in control my plan everyday is only plan B.

Im now on day 17 of being unemployed and guess what! I have such joy and peace in my heart. Yes am I looking at the 800 dollars of bills that need to paid and saying God I have about 775.00 till January 1st and that leaves me in the negative with no food or gas money. BUT Wanna know something amazing? When God made the earth he just did it he didn't worry he just did it. Guess what! Same for my life everyday things just happen whether it be a lunch bought/ made for me, finding money in random places, or a random gift card. Things just fall in place. But what if they weren't...could I still say God you are perfect in ALL of your ways.....YES even though I feel like I'm looking at a map and saying God where the heck do you want me to go!?!?! He already knows the route and its literally taking one step at a time and EVERYDAY casting my cares to the Lord.

It hasn't been easy yes 95% of the time I'm fully trusting in the Lord, but yes there has been moments of weakness and crying out to God BUT every time I do some how some way Jeremiah 29:11's theme is brought to my attention. He knows the plans and when I feel like I just don't know where to go he has it. When the devil smacks my mistakes in my face HE TELLS ME WHO I AM.

So DONT GIVE UP, its hard but let him take the wheel its so much easier, I use to take trips to the ABC store every time something went wrong and guess what my problem was still there any now I had a hangover...Now I take a trip to my knees (ya its corny get over it) and HE gives me peace like no other!!!!

Brave.....as a mouse!

Matthew 6:25-34New Living Translation (NLT)
²⁵ “That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life—whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn’t life more than food, and your body more than clothing? ²⁶ Look at the birds. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren’t you far more valuable to him than they are? ²⁷ Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?
²⁸ “And why worry about your clothing? Look at the lilies of the field and how they grow. They don’t work or make their clothing, ²⁹ yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are. ³⁰ And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith?
³¹ “So don’t worry about these things, saying, ‘What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?’ ³² These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. ³³ Seek the Kingdom of God^[a] above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.
³⁴ “So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.

I think I trust God for about 6 hours at a time then I go back to my safety blanket of stress and worry. I have to face the facts I'm a control freak and when I cant control something I get scared. I look at this hurricane Joaquin (that I have been pronouncing "ja-quon" smh lol ). What does everyone do panic purchase all the water and bread in the country.....no joke its ridiculous.

Here is my question when there is a hurricane that is probably not even going to hit us we all panic and run to the store get gas and prepare right. Why is it when we have a storm in our life why do we flee into the storm. The Lord says he is our shelter "Psalm 18: 2 The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold."

Prepare for your storm put your armor on.....you wouldn't go out in a storm in your skippies or a beautiful gown would you? NOOO you got to get your guniea boots, Rain pants, Rain jacket. 

I encourage as you walk through your storm dig into the word, surround yourself with people who love the Lord, and one thing that helps me is encouraging music Lauren Daigle is defiantly one of my favorite when I feel defeated.

www.gofundme.com/praxis9sec

Where are you now......Caution "truthful" christian blog!

So in my last blog I talked about how I had my power shut off. Well come to find out I had to pay 437.00 to turn it back on and additional 360.00 deposit I was to say the least devastated. I'm pretty sure I said every  curse word in the book (that poor lady :( ) I had to call the power company at least 10 times I had to go into work late and leave early it was awful. I eventually flipped out on my roommate and said I was qutting praxis 9. I had decided I was done the devil had won life had just gotten too hard. After a tough talk with my roommate she said "Sarah we are in a spot where our parents can help us isn't it better to learn now than down the road when we don't have any one that cant give us this money to cover it until we pay them back" I said yes but I wanted to take my extra money and save it incase I don't get a job its not fair. Why is my life is falling apart where is God? After a tough conversation I was told Sarah I'm shocked your throwing in the towel and saying God you are not big enough and your letting the devil win. Maybe your sitting here saying yes Sarah but you don't understand what im going though. Your right you know why because God will never give you more than you can handle. First of all I hate that saying its the worst but also biblical.....Sometimes I feel like God I cant do this but he says I can. Guess what I have at least 6000.00 in collection 1000.00 pending collection 4300.00 in debt 2000 left to pay with praxis 9, no job and my car desperately needs new parts. Guess what's even better God says Matthew 6:25-34 ESV     “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. ... First convection its a sin to worry, also he tells us not to worry many times. I always like to think about  it this way I have a puzzle piece in my hand God knows where it goes because he sees the whole picture; but im stubborn so I get anxious and try force it certain places and of course it doesn't fit. Often in life we look at the small piece of our life and say God where are you? Everything is falling apart are you there? Guess what because of this you can now relate to so many people now. He says in his word "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." I will praise you in this storm. At the end of the day its just money, its just a job, its just fear that the devil has whispered in your ear. Im not perfect I cursed way too many people out today, I need to work on self control and the sin of doubting God but guess what He forgives you its okay he loves you even when you feel like hes not there he is.

Quick grab a match......

As I set here in the dark because of miscommunication on my part to dominion about my past due balance from my old house. I ask God why is this happening. As I sit at work knowing next Friday is my last day and I have no job set up. I ask God why is this happening. As I drive a car which desperately needs new parts. I ask God why is this happening. As I look at the 2000.00 due for praxis 9. I ask God how are you going to provide for all of this? Wait just for a minute though I'm in a house you provided above and beyond. I sit in a bed and clothes on my back which is a luxury in most places. I drive my suv you provided which I got at half price of blue book valued. I sit here and doubt God when he has already provided beyond measures. I think its so easy to sit here and say God I know you can provide than 6 hours later find out something happen and say nope nevermind. He can and will provide period end of blog.

****A friend actually let us stay at there house, bought us taco bell and do laundry if that aint Jesus Idk what is :P*****

Philippians 4:6-7

Someone shared Philippians 4:6-7 with me yesterday not knowing that today my nanny position would fall though. I was devastated but at the same time relived I was worried it wouldn't be enough money and not exactly what I'm looking for. I'm so thankful that my current job has allowed me to stay until I find another job. I was stressed beyond means but what I did learn is to once again not letting my emotion get the best of me. I asked The lord why did this happen well because God closed a door that shouldn't of been open saving me from what could of been a financial struggle and another stressor I did not need. I will praise him in the storm #staysalty www.gofundme.com/praxis9sec

Black out drunk nights......

I feel like life is rushing by but in such a rewarding amazing way. I remember at one time I couldn't wait till I get home so I could sleep why because when I was sleeping I didn't have to worry about my problems well eventually sleeping turned into drinking and then popping pills while drinking. Eventually I found myself at the club at least 2-3 times a week just searching for love in the wrong place. I would spend countless nights getting all dolled up saying if just one guys complements me Ill be fine. There where multiple times I went home sad and depressed because I wasn't noticed that night so my clothes became more and more immodest. I found myself one night getting black out drunk, driving, and having a night of just careless mistakes that ended up being my wake up call.

I realized no mater how much I drink, pop pills, flirt im trying to fill this hole that no one can fill but Christ. It was a great bandaid but that's all it was a temporary fix. My life is no where perfect now but its the way I look at it now and that's what I encourage you with today is when you wake up are you going to choose for it to be a good day or bad.

Wow these last two classes have blown me out of the water....leadership is something I knew I need to work on but goodness a world of convection but also empowerment. Our second class was with the bomb.com no doubt a bombful of financial education I feel like 200000000 lbs has been lifted off of me to know there is a way out of debt.

My top thing I learned in my first class is to not let my emotions run my life and to CONTROL them. There is a reason self control is a fruit of the spirit. The second is to find what your good at and excel at it.

My top thing I learned from Nate's class would defiantly learn that there is freedom from your financially debt and you can get out of this financial bind and you will be able to bless others.

I think what is amazing is to watch how far I have come and how often the devil is trying to bring me down by pushing my past in my face but you know what is beautiful? I know I've made mistakes HUGE ones AND small ones but guess what! It just reminds me how far I've come. I will not let shame take over my life. Nor will I let my thoughts or judgmental statements.

Day 1 #no stress

Today was the first day of praxis 9 .....Wow what a day its 10pm  and im exhausted. Typically im up for another couple hours but I feel some sleep coming on after this blog. Today I really keep reflecting on stress financially I look at my bills and say how  God am I going to make it this month I have 2400 more to pay for my internship and im behind on more than one bill....My answer is faith. If God puts you somewhere he already knows how hes going to provide by me stressing its saying God your not a big enough God. Whether it be finances, work, school, relationships, shame, fear of the future or what ever else God says I got you don't worry. He will provide a way when there seems to be none....If he can split a sea he can take care  of your needs so breathe. Im not saying tomorrow all your problems will be fixed im saying God will provide so sit back relax be proactive and let God handle it. Your past is your past and God's got your back.

Back to school...

First day of school is probably my favorite day on facebook. I love seeing all these cuties getting on the bus and seeing how much some kids have grown. School was tough for me I was going through so much flip flopping on my Christ walk. I was bullied constantly in high school and it was so hard not having that family of Christians surrounding me. If I could tell any future students anything it would be don't give up. First try hard in school make it a priority, your future you will thank you. Don't worry about the bullies ground what Christ says you are....and as for your "enemies" almost 6 years later I'm friends with almost everyone of them. You know what I learned about everyone of them they where either jealous, going through some pretty difficult things or we where so much alike we kept butting heads. So don't let their rude comments get to you. Remember they may have not been taught any different, you don't know what they are going through and you could be the only positive influence in their life. Next find a church that loves on you but also keeps you grounded in the word and keeps you accountable. You probably have your hype up about sharing the word right now but that first time you get shut down or laughed at it will be hard to keep sharing but DONT stop. I once heard a story of a student who went to school with a kid who was constantly bullied he was his friend but only in secret because he was ashamed. The kid who was bullied one day took his life and his Christian friend had to live with thought of what could I done to prevent this and did he know Christ EVERY DAY.I was friends with EVERYONE in high school and that's one thing im thankful I did so don't be clicky aint nobody got time for that. I'm going to be honest my first priority  in school was getting boys attention whether it was dressing immodestly, smoking, drinking whatever it took to get their attention.....o yes while going to church. I was the queen of putting my church robe on and then taking it off Monday - Friday. Why? because of the kids I surrounded myself with. Yes you can have unbelievers as friends I have ton butttttt its important to ground your relationships with people who are going to encourage your walk with Christ. 2nd get a mentor have coffee or breakfast with them once a week. We may be "old" but its really helpful.

Another day in faith

I had an amazing phone interview with the perfect family. They are everything i wanted in a family to the small details i prayed for. Even if i don't get the job the fact that i know God is hearing my prayers by the random things i prayed for blew my mind. God is soo good. 

Today was hard though i felt ignored and unimportant. In all of this remembered its just the devil doing everything he can to stop me from what i know God is calling me to be and right now thats being a light. There are some moments i just feel sad and alone but again i have to remind myself that even though someone may judge you for your sin years ago. I can not put what they think above what God thinks about me. Its a idol to say God what they think is more important than what you say.

He provides

God is sooooo good!!!! In my last blog I I told yall I didn't have a car and I wasn't haven't much luck. Well my brother and I went to go check out a car in Richmond I found. It was listed for 2400.00 at the dealership, 1800 on craigslist, but my budget was 1500. When we got there, there was no inspection sticker on the car I was so upset I thought I had drove a hour away for nothing. After driving the car we  noticed there was something wrong with it. When I came back I told the dealer look there is something wrong with this SUV and it has no inspection what are you going to do for me. He said well I cant take it to be inspected I said well I will. I took it to a mechanic that had nothing to do with the dealership and found out the fix was only going to be around 150.00 We went back to the dealership and after some barding we got the SUV for 1400.00!!!

The next day I went kayaking with my brother and well I suck at it...I love it but it falls in the untalented section in my life. Every time I would paddle I would go the wrong way....eventually my brother got so fed up he told me just let me paddle Sarah. It was so hard for me not to paddle I knew he was there but I couldn't see what he was doing and sometimes I felt like we were going the wrong way and I was going crazy. It was as if Jesus was in the kayak I felt him say Sarah see im trying to lead you in the right direction but you keep picking up the paddle and going the wrong way just let me paddle. Its like a member who comes into the gym and you know their membership is going to be 50.00 based on the questions they answered but you still have to give them a tour so they know why they are paying the 50.00 during the tour they ask you multiple times how much is it and you repeat multiple times we will get to that in just a moment. I felt like God was saying Sarah I have your future and plans here in my hand but I need you to walk in something's for a little bit longer before I can have you start that part of your life so you understand why you are doing it, what your doing, and you appreciate them. Its the same thing with the gym if someone just calls and I give them a price they may right it off but if they come in see they gym and see what wonderful things we have for the price they would see its worth it. Well same thing with God if he had told me three years ago all that would happen I would right it off but now I wouldn't trade it for the world.

Tomorrow I have a phone interview for a nanny job with perfect pay and hours and once again yall will just have to wait to my next blog to see how wonderful our God is until then please continue to pray and support my internship called praxis 9  www.gofundme.com/praxis9sec

P9 journey

It all started about a year ago when I wanted to go to school but didn't feel smart enough. I gave up that dreams years ago and once again put it on the back burner. I was attending a church that I just felt out of place, I felt like I was walking alone with my walk with Christ. After a couple months of feeling this I met this VERY outgoing young lady named Jena who invited me to church and I declined saying I already have a church but thank you. Weeks went by and I started to vent to her about something's that where going on. She invited me once again and finally after weeks I went and feel in love with City Life the worship was amazing and I felt loved there they invited me to dinner and I was sucked into a group message with people that would love and encourage me EVERY day. As months went by Jena invited me on a drive where she told me about praxis 9 and where I told her no. I don't have the money time or smarts to do it but if you know jena no was not an answer she was going to take. After hearing a little more about it I asked my work if they could work around my schedule and they said yes so I picked up an application for the school. I filled everything out and then I got to a question that broke my heart well at least it stopped it for a second.  At that moment I said nope im not doing this they will know my struggle they will judge me they will hate me. I cried and had some tough conversations with the lord and one being if your willing to share your testimony to 100s of women why cant you fill out 1 question its your testimony even if its still being written. I turned in my application and every ex in my life (well that's how I felt) messaged me every temptation in my life was on fire I was like woah not today  and guess what I slipped up and fell into temptation one day as im driving down the interstate I said devil you can attack everything but you will not win....well he did try that's for sure. It started with work in 1 month I was written up twice and put on probation then I totaled my car. I was waking up everyday sick from stress I did not want to go to work because I felt like a failure and was just plain angry. My car  o lord that was fun first I found out I had a $500 deductible then I found out my emergency room visit and any medical bills would  not be covered by car insurance ( 2 head cts and 3 ex rays) you could say I was upset then I needed a car to get to and from work and of course found out a rental was not included in my car insurance....I was devastated I then got a 500.00 bill from an electric company and the 6 bills of collections in the same week ......it was time to panic.....BUT I didn't I prayed and tried my very best not to stress. I was sitting in the bathroom and just prayed God I cant do this make a way 30 seconds later I get a text saying do you need a car to borrow until you get a new one. 1 week later I found out my car was totaled for almost twice the amount I thought I would get my bank gave me a loan to pay the remainder of my car loan and enough money to get a new car....3 days later I found out workers comp would be paying for all my bills and that they would be sending me to a orthopedic doctor for my back and neck pain. I have also decided to look into being a nanny again and my job has said I can keep my job until I find a job and im still in search of a new car but I know he will provide it will just be in my next blog