Sometimes its just not time....

Well I figured its been awhile since i wrote my last blog and it was long overdue....Well we are in day 34 of unemployed and because of Christ alone  i still have peace. So much has happen in these last 34 days...but this blog is for my ladies. Of course as usual this blog is going to be full of some truth so I'm just warning you now. As many of you know i have been single for a little over two years, in these two years I did rededicate my life to the Lord again. I had given him my heart again but for the romantic part well that I was going to handle.

Growing up in a divorce family was hard and my dad loved me but he just didn't know how to love the way i needed it. I had a great youth group but when it came to christian dating and mentoring well they needed a little help. When i tuned 17 I fell in the hole of well we will call it promiscuous "dating", it was my drug. I would go to parties, clubs and social gatherings...my end goal was to woo a guy get what i wanted and leave him. I wanted the power to use men like well how i thought they so often treated us woman. After way too many drunk nights and lonelier mornings with a case of a bad hungover I decided enough was enough. I woke up one morning after a really drunk night and way too many mistakes and cried after God.

I wish I could tell you the next day i put the bottle down and stopped clubbing but it took a couple months. I found a great small little church and they really helped me get my life in order I really felt like it was where i belonged but it wasn't and after a couple months later I found my home church. Almost a year had gone by and after making sure I had a someone to keep me accountable I was ready to date again. Not too long after that I met a wonderful guy. He was older, great looking, and he was a christian I was so excited but i kept feeling like something was off so i put my guard back up, and bam all of sudden he was mad at me after one night of not being able to have dinner with him. Well i set him straight and a couple days later he sent me a promiscuous text message( of course even after the second time i did not text him back and blocked him. That night I found my self weeping and saying I've worked so hard not to be this person what the heck. At the end of the night someone said to me Sarah your not that person anymore the devil knows how to bring your shame up and hes doing it now!I gave it to God but still felt like i was ready to date.

 That same Sunday I met a wonderful christian man who was basically everything I wanted and we made sure we where going to do it the right way this time so we started doing a bible study together and by chapter 3 I realized I just wasn't ready!I literally wrestled with God saying "Why not he was attractive, he loved the Lord and he was pretty much what i wanted and i felt like needed" so why was it I felt so strongly that it wasn't my time. After God pretty much had to push me I finally told him how i felt and i felt so broken but there was so much peace knowing I was being obedient.  Well God reviled to me "for the first time you met a christian man who shares your desires so you feel like you have to date him but are you really ready can you really be the excellent woman he deserves".

Well after talking to many women i realized I'm not the only one. There are so many woman in this world that feel like there are so little christian men out there so we have to date them when we find them. Admit it you see that hot christian youth leader, worship leader or missionary and you are planning the wedding in your head......As a friend of mine would say "Girl get yo life straight" Ladies they are not the last men on earth no mater how wonderful they are.....the thing is we need to remember is when God is ready he will send you your husband he isn't lost and God cant find him...He's God he knows where your man is. So when you feel lonely cry out to Jesus. I don't care how crazy it sounds but i will literally have dates with Jesus. Ill go out on prayer walks, go out to the beach and read my bible etc. I know this time of the year is hard when there is three engagements on your news feed in one day but listen that's their story not yours. I know every Christmas movie has that man running in grand station but chill! Guard your heart and if that means you don't watch a sappy romantic movie and fast from facebook and watch Elf instead do it.  Sometimes you meet your husband when your 14 and sometimes when your 44, God knows when you ready and who you NEED. Until then reach out to ladies your age and SINGLE. You need each other, If you don't have a group of ladies find it because its needed. Remember God is there even when you feel alone hes there.