Sarah.......

It amazes me every time I'm thinking or going through something. God reassures me through someone in our church. Last night I was just having a hard time trusting I have 5 days until my rent/ utilities is due and I still have another 300 I have to pay. Plus not to mention the money I owe for praxis this quarter. I have applied for over a 100 jobs and just couldn't understand why I haven't been called into one interview...Well I realized for the last couple days I was only fake trusting God. Where did my unstoppable faith go....Well see of course I trusted God I had everything in control until Monday when I was having a hard time getting my last paycheck from a previous job. It was the moment that I realized I have to have a job by 12/1 to make rent for January. Well God so gently reminded me last time it was only 72 hours till I needed a job I got one. Now here is the thing It was Sarai/Hagar situation...When Sarai couldn't get pregnant after God promised she would ... she told her husband to sleep with Hagar (her slave) and guess what....Hagar got pregnant and Sarai was pissed! Well that's basically what happen with my previous job situation I didn't listen to holy spirit and it has not been the best situation.

Genesis teaches us He keeps his promises (Sarai gets pregnant after around 25  years that the Lord told her she would) and he also changes her name to Sarah ....Which I must say is BEAUTIFUL. Christ longs to be active in our life not just when things go bad but ALL the time. We don't trust him, we are impatient and we try to fix everything our self. Right!?!?

God painted me a beautiful picture this morning when I let my roommate's dog out I realized his leash was wrapped around a pole and thought goodness bear we put you on the leash so you have more room but you keep wrapping your self around the pole and so now you have less room to run then you had before. I feel like the same is with our walk. God allows us to have freedom but we often wrap our self around the pole of shame, fear, and stress so we cant go anywhere. So here is my question when are you going to unwrap yourself and freely run after Christ. LET GO of your shame, fear and stress. God has you in this very place good, bad, or sad to because there is a greater work HE is doing. So bring your bad, mad and sad self to Christ. Do not let these thoughts overtake your mind any longer.
God painted me another beautiful picture last night. Our beautiful cyp leader just had a BEAUTIFUL little girl and because she didn't nap yesterday so she was overtired and was fussy. Well there was a couple times when Hannah had to stand up and rock her or even step out of the room to quiet her down. It was a natural reaction for her as a mother that when her daughter cries to calm her down right? Well the same is with the devil  ( Hannah if your reading this I'm not comparing your princess to the devil :P). God so softly spoke to me last night why is it so natural to quiet down a child for you, But when the devil is speaking thoughts of depression, anger and stress in our mind why don't you shut him up. Man this hit me hard OUCH! Its true he floods my mind with stress about money, a home, relationships, fear of being a terrible mom and wife in the future....WHY?, because I let him! Well I did...SO I ask you are you going to allowing  him to keep yelling in your ear or are you going to stand up and declare who Christ is? Christ wants a personal relationship with you, had you been the only person on this world he would of died just for you!!! God doesn't just love, its who he is! He wants you to have a mind of peace and joy. I pray that you read this and a low Christ to have power over thought in your mind.

Jeremiah 31:3 New International Version:

The LORD appeared to us in the past, saying: "I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.

 

John 5:20 New International Version

For the Father loves the Son and shows him all he does. Yes, and he will show him even greater works than these, so that you will be amazed.

 

Psalm 103: 3-10

3 He forgives your sins - every one. He heals your diseases - every one. 4 He redeems you from hell - saves your life! He crowns you with love and mercy - a paradise crown.5 He wraps you in goodness - beauty eternal. He renews your youth - you're always young in his presence. 6 God makes everything come out right; he puts victims back on their feet.7 He showed Moses how he went about his work, opened up his plans to all Israel.8 God is sheer mercy and grace; not easily angered, he's rich in love.9 He doesn't endlessly nag and scold, nor hold grudges forever.10 He doesn't treat us as our sins deserve, nor pay us back in full for our wrongs. 11 As high as heaven is over the earth, so strong is his love to those who fear him.12 And as far as sunrise is from sunset, he has separated us from our sins.13 As parents feel for their children, God feels for those who fear him.14 He knows us inside and out, keeps in mind that we're made of mud.

11 DAYS AND ...TRUSTING....

Psalm 29:11

The LORD gives strength to his people; the LORD blesses his people with peace.

I think so often I read the bible but don't trust what it says....I mean think about this scripture he gives us STRENGTH and BLESSES US WITH PEACE. Okay how often have you felt so weak because you feel like there is no peace in your life? Trust me I get it I have 11 days left until I can continue to not be employed any longer and really I don't have enough money for gas in my truck and food and at times I stress for about 3 minutes!Everyday he provides I have money coming in everyday. BUT what if I didn't what if I applied for every job in Hampton roads and got nothing, what if I filed unemployment and didn't get it, what if I tried every resource out there and still didn't have any help. What if I had to leave the house I rent risk a valuable relationship and had to live with my dad plus have no way to pay my bills. Could I still have peace? Now that's a hard question but a beautiful answer! YES! Why though? It would look like in this very moment Christ let me down I mean hey I had a job where I was making some good money a couple weeks ago and before that I had a great job for 3 years...so WHY?

Well I honestly believe first I've learned so much in 19 days of being employed. I have learned no mater where you work and how hard it is whether it be the work load or your employees God put you there for a reason so work diligently and RESPECT one another even if they are crazy. Second you dont live with in your means until you have to and I realized I get coffee and eat out WAY too much hahhah no but for real how often are we actually good stewards of our money if we added every purchase how often are we wasting our money? Last why do we stress like honestly think about it why? According to phycology today "Neuroscientists have discovered how chronic stress and cortisol can damage the brain. A new study reconfirms the importance of maintaining healthy brain structure and connectivity by reducing chronic stress." it also causes us to gain weight, and have so many more health problems. It doesn't help our situation and it actually prevents the brain to think clearly. I always look at my situation and say what is the worst thing that can happen...and is it really that bad?

I know its hard but cast your problems to Christ look at Sarah and Abraham she was WAY past her child bearing age when Christ said she would have a child and what did she do LAUGH. Then try to say she didn't to God and of course she lost that battle. What a lot of people don't realize is the time the lord said she would have Issac and the time she did was 25 years. WOW that's more than Ive been alive and to hold on to a promise for that long is amazing. BUT wait there is more what did Sarah do she tried to make it happen for herself by allowing her husband to "marry" her slave and then guess what happen her slave got pregnant and Sarah got mad ...well duh what did you think was going to happen...Sarah finally got pregnant had Isaac and then what happen God ask Abraham to sacrifice his one and only son he waited so long for...He went on top of the mountain to sacrifice his son and God in the last minute brought a ram to sacrifice instead....now that is faith! Here I am stressing about bills Lord help my unbelief...so that's why I can YES he will provide for my bills and praxis 9!

God is El Roi meaning he sees what your going through
God is El Shaddai signifies one who nourishes, supplies, and satisfies.
God is Jehovah-Jireh which means provider!

Trips to the ABC to prayer on knees...okay its corny i know

So let me first fill everyone in on my life since its been a month. In my last blog I mentioned how I lost my job that I had for 3 years. Well 72 hours before I was going to be 100% unemployed I got a job offer. I worked at this job for 3 weeks and got fired. I was furious how could they do this I worked over 40 hours a week every week, filled in every shift, came in early and stayed late. I walked out sat in my car and cried. God used one of my coworkers to speak 100% life in my  situation. I was shortly offered a job right after I was fired but of course I was quickly shown that wasn't where God wanted me.

A couple days later us praxis 9 students and Jena headed to NY. Man did I learn a lot .....Like I'm a control freak, Ministry does not allow you to be a control freak and know what's going on every moment, I suck at listening, Ministry is not all glitz and glory sometimes it looks like organizing a 1000 books when you have a migraine and you feel like you ate lava because your stomach hates you at the moment.  Also New Yorkers don't use blinkers but they do use their horns and "hand signals", and you have to drive with faith (Hey did I mention how thankful I am Jena drove) Any who let me get back on track. Some people are natural leaders (point A Sarah Crump) but sometimes God wants us to back down and help other people learn that they are too and you never allow those moments to happen for them. My whole trip I had to learn to be submissive to what God wants in my life...I was the driver in my life and I only pretended like "Jesus took the wheel". I had to learn that God is in control my plan everyday is only plan B.

Im now on day 17 of being unemployed and guess what! I have such joy and peace in my heart. Yes am I looking at the 800 dollars of bills that need to paid and saying God I have about 775.00 till January 1st and that leaves me in the negative with no food or gas money. BUT Wanna know something amazing? When God made the earth he just did it he didn't worry he just did it. Guess what! Same for my life everyday things just happen whether it be a lunch bought/ made for me, finding money in random places, or a random gift card. Things just fall in place. But what if they weren't...could I still say God you are perfect in ALL of your ways.....YES even though I feel like I'm looking at a map and saying God where the heck do you want me to go!?!?! He already knows the route and its literally taking one step at a time and EVERYDAY casting my cares to the Lord.

It hasn't been easy yes 95% of the time I'm fully trusting in the Lord, but yes there has been moments of weakness and crying out to God BUT every time I do some how some way Jeremiah 29:11's theme is brought to my attention. He knows the plans and when I feel like I just don't know where to go he has it. When the devil smacks my mistakes in my face HE TELLS ME WHO I AM.

So DONT GIVE UP, its hard but let him take the wheel its so much easier, I use to take trips to the ABC store every time something went wrong and guess what my problem was still there any now I had a hangover...Now I take a trip to my knees (ya its corny get over it) and HE gives me peace like no other!!!!