This was written 12/6/15
Well today was tough I got a no and a offer that was just not affordable. I felt down and allowed my doubt to take over my thoughts all day. I knew the first job was not where I belonged and felt like I should be grateful that door was shut. Although I knew God was going to provide it was so hard to keep my spirits high.
This was written 12/15/15
God why have you forsaken me do you not see all the things I do for you, do you not see how much I've grown and do you not see how much I've changed my life. Why am I going though this? Here I am sitting here at the social services parking lot where I just applied for food stamps and thankfully was approved but just denied for housing income assistance . I don't know of anyone can hand me 600.00 so it looks like I may not have a home after January 1. I just got a late notice on my car payment and LOC. This stress is causing so much strife in my home and I know its my fault lord help me not let my doubt effect my friendship. I need to learn self control in this and I know now im sorry for not trusting you but Im literally sitting in my driveway this is really hard I cant do this its too hard I just want to be financially secure so I can pay off everything and have money in my savings so "this" never happens again....God help me I just want to give up.
Morning of 12/16/15
Well called the daycare and they are still waiting for my paper work but may not be able to guarantee me full time hours. I just realized I have to pay my bill for my phone by Thursday or it will be turned off ....man I really don't know what im going to do.......I really need to get some stuff for our fundraiser but I don't have enough money for gas and supplies......
This afternoon and evening 12/16/15
This morning a friend asked if I could clean their house ( money for my car payment and LOC that is past due) I found my Walmart gift card that had just enough money to fill up my tank. Lastly this evening at 9pm I was offered a job that is making twice as much as my previous offers and I start tomorrow.
I remember when I started this journey of wanting to be a nanny again and my prayer was to nanny for a Christian home that I can educate and take them to lots of field trip. My first offer back in September was for an amazing family but my wants and need where not there and then they went with another nanny. 2 weeks later I was let go but quickly found a new job and 3 weeks later I was fired. so here we are on day 45 of being unemployed and what did I learn.....Gosh So much! I learned self control, I learned to truly trust God and not to say it, I learned that I had way to much pride, I was ungrateful, I learned to spend time with friends and family, tithe even when its only $6.00 I learned to worship God when your flesh feels like you shouldn't and I learned some addictions where just hiding and not gone. Never once did I loose my home, I was only 11 days late for my car payment and 3 weeks late for my LOC, my phone will be paid tomorrow with about 36 hours to spare, EVERYDAY I had someone buy or make me a meal and most of all I got to spend everyday hanging out with family and friends, praying for strangers, volunteering and just loving on people. I think back and I realize now why every job fell apart but I also feel like God was saying Sarah you have worked full time since you where 15 lets take a vacation....It may have not felt like a vacation to me at first but towards the end learning and resting in his peace was the best vacation I could ask for.
Yesterday I witnessed a child having a toy taken from him because the dad had already bought the same toy but the updated version. That child threw a fit because his dad didn't give him that toy. The dad only did it because his dad knew he had something better at home but was going to have to wait till Christmas. I feel like so often God closes a door so we throw a fit and so often he is saying to us hunny I shut this door because I have something better. This is what happen in my life every job I was offered or turn down from the pay is no where near what I'm getting now and its an amazing first door to my career I desire to have. I now hold this puzzle piece in my life after 45 days saying o I understand why and im so happy I went though this so end my 45 day unemployment (which is no where near as bad as what some people go through) Saying thank you Jesus I lost 2 jobs and was unemployed its been the best 45 days of my life.
Tuesday, December 15, 2015
Sunday, December 6, 2015
Sometimes its just not time....
Well I figured its been awhile since i wrote my last blog and it was long overdue....Well we are in day 34 of unemployed and because of Christ alone i still have peace. So much has happen in these last 34 days...but this blog is for my ladies. Of course as usual this blog is going to be full of some truth so I'm just warning you now. As many of you know i have been single for a little over two years, in these two years I did rededicate my life to the Lord again. I had given him my heart again but for the romantic part well that I was going to handle.
Growing up in a divorce family was hard and my dad loved me but he just didn't know how to love the way i needed it. I had a great youth group but when it came to christian dating and mentoring well they needed a little help. When i tuned 17 I fell in the hole of well we will call it promiscuous "dating", it was my drug. I would go to parties, clubs and social gatherings...my end goal was to woo a guy get what i wanted and leave him. I wanted the power to use men like well how i thought they so often treated us woman. After way too many drunk nights and lonelier mornings with a case of a bad hungover I decided enough was enough. I woke up one morning after a really drunk night and way too many mistakes and cried after God.
I wish I could tell you the next day i put the bottle down and stopped clubbing but it took a couple months. I found a great small little church and they really helped me get my life in order I really felt like it was where i belonged but it wasn't and after a couple months later I found my home church. Almost a year had gone by and after making sure I had a someone to keep me accountable I was ready to date again. Not too long after that I met a wonderful guy. He was older, great looking, and he was a christian I was so excited but i kept feeling like something was off so i put my guard back up, and bam all of sudden he was mad at me after one night of not being able to have dinner with him. Well i set him straight and a couple days later he sent me a promiscuous text message( of course even after the second time i did not text him back and blocked him. That night I found my self weeping and saying I've worked so hard not to be this person what the heck. At the end of the night someone said to me Sarah your not that person anymore the devil knows how to bring your shame up and hes doing it now!I gave it to God but still felt like i was ready to date.
That same Sunday I met a wonderful christian man who was basically everything I wanted and we made sure we where going to do it the right way this time so we started doing a bible study together and by chapter 3 I realized I just wasn't ready!I literally wrestled with God saying "Why not he was attractive, he loved the Lord and he was pretty much what i wanted and i felt like needed" so why was it I felt so strongly that it wasn't my time. After God pretty much had to push me I finally told him how i felt and i felt so broken but there was so much peace knowing I was being obedient. Well God reviled to me "for the first time you met a christian man who shares your desires so you feel like you have to date him but are you really ready can you really be the excellent woman he deserves".
Well after talking to many women i realized I'm not the only one. There are so many woman in this world that feel like there are so little christian men out there so we have to date them when we find them. Admit it you see that hot christian youth leader, worship leader or missionary and you are planning the wedding in your head......As a friend of mine would say "Girl get yo life straight" Ladies they are not the last men on earth no mater how wonderful they are.....the thing is we need to remember is when God is ready he will send you your husband he isn't lost and God cant find him...He's God he knows where your man is. So when you feel lonely cry out to Jesus. I don't care how crazy it sounds but i will literally have dates with Jesus. Ill go out on prayer walks, go out to the beach and read my bible etc. I know this time of the year is hard when there is three engagements on your news feed in one day but listen that's their story not yours. I know every Christmas movie has that man running in grand station but chill! Guard your heart and if that means you don't watch a sappy romantic movie and fast from facebook and watch Elf instead do it. Sometimes you meet your husband when your 14 and sometimes when your 44, God knows when you ready and who you NEED. Until then reach out to ladies your age and SINGLE. You need each other, If you don't have a group of ladies find it because its needed. Remember God is there even when you feel alone hes there.
Well I figured its been awhile since i wrote my last blog and it was long overdue....Well we are in day 34 of unemployed and because of Christ alone i still have peace. So much has happen in these last 34 days...but this blog is for my ladies. Of course as usual this blog is going to be full of some truth so I'm just warning you now. As many of you know i have been single for a little over two years, in these two years I did rededicate my life to the Lord again. I had given him my heart again but for the romantic part well that I was going to handle.
Growing up in a divorce family was hard and my dad loved me but he just didn't know how to love the way i needed it. I had a great youth group but when it came to christian dating and mentoring well they needed a little help. When i tuned 17 I fell in the hole of well we will call it promiscuous "dating", it was my drug. I would go to parties, clubs and social gatherings...my end goal was to woo a guy get what i wanted and leave him. I wanted the power to use men like well how i thought they so often treated us woman. After way too many drunk nights and lonelier mornings with a case of a bad hungover I decided enough was enough. I woke up one morning after a really drunk night and way too many mistakes and cried after God.
I wish I could tell you the next day i put the bottle down and stopped clubbing but it took a couple months. I found a great small little church and they really helped me get my life in order I really felt like it was where i belonged but it wasn't and after a couple months later I found my home church. Almost a year had gone by and after making sure I had a someone to keep me accountable I was ready to date again. Not too long after that I met a wonderful guy. He was older, great looking, and he was a christian I was so excited but i kept feeling like something was off so i put my guard back up, and bam all of sudden he was mad at me after one night of not being able to have dinner with him. Well i set him straight and a couple days later he sent me a promiscuous text message( of course even after the second time i did not text him back and blocked him. That night I found my self weeping and saying I've worked so hard not to be this person what the heck. At the end of the night someone said to me Sarah your not that person anymore the devil knows how to bring your shame up and hes doing it now!I gave it to God but still felt like i was ready to date.
That same Sunday I met a wonderful christian man who was basically everything I wanted and we made sure we where going to do it the right way this time so we started doing a bible study together and by chapter 3 I realized I just wasn't ready!I literally wrestled with God saying "Why not he was attractive, he loved the Lord and he was pretty much what i wanted and i felt like needed" so why was it I felt so strongly that it wasn't my time. After God pretty much had to push me I finally told him how i felt and i felt so broken but there was so much peace knowing I was being obedient. Well God reviled to me "for the first time you met a christian man who shares your desires so you feel like you have to date him but are you really ready can you really be the excellent woman he deserves".
Well after talking to many women i realized I'm not the only one. There are so many woman in this world that feel like there are so little christian men out there so we have to date them when we find them. Admit it you see that hot christian youth leader, worship leader or missionary and you are planning the wedding in your head......As a friend of mine would say "Girl get yo life straight" Ladies they are not the last men on earth no mater how wonderful they are.....the thing is we need to remember is when God is ready he will send you your husband he isn't lost and God cant find him...He's God he knows where your man is. So when you feel lonely cry out to Jesus. I don't care how crazy it sounds but i will literally have dates with Jesus. Ill go out on prayer walks, go out to the beach and read my bible etc. I know this time of the year is hard when there is three engagements on your news feed in one day but listen that's their story not yours. I know every Christmas movie has that man running in grand station but chill! Guard your heart and if that means you don't watch a sappy romantic movie and fast from facebook and watch Elf instead do it. Sometimes you meet your husband when your 14 and sometimes when your 44, God knows when you ready and who you NEED. Until then reach out to ladies your age and SINGLE. You need each other, If you don't have a group of ladies find it because its needed. Remember God is there even when you feel alone hes there.
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