P9 journey

It all started about a year ago when I wanted to go to school but didn't feel smart enough. I gave up that dreams years ago and once again put it on the back burner. I was attending a church that I just felt out of place, I felt like I was walking alone with my walk with Christ. After a couple months of feeling this I met this VERY outgoing young lady named Jena who invited me to church and I declined saying I already have a church but thank you. Weeks went by and I started to vent to her about something's that where going on. She invited me once again and finally after weeks I went and feel in love with City Life the worship was amazing and I felt loved there they invited me to dinner and I was sucked into a group message with people that would love and encourage me EVERY day. As months went by Jena invited me on a drive where she told me about praxis 9 and where I told her no. I don't have the money time or smarts to do it but if you know jena no was not an answer she was going to take. After hearing a little more about it I asked my work if they could work around my schedule and they said yes so I picked up an application for the school. I filled everything out and then I got to a question that broke my heart well at least it stopped it for a second.  At that moment I said nope im not doing this they will know my struggle they will judge me they will hate me. I cried and had some tough conversations with the lord and one being if your willing to share your testimony to 100s of women why cant you fill out 1 question its your testimony even if its still being written. I turned in my application and every ex in my life (well that's how I felt) messaged me every temptation in my life was on fire I was like woah not today  and guess what I slipped up and fell into temptation one day as im driving down the interstate I said devil you can attack everything but you will not win....well he did try that's for sure. It started with work in 1 month I was written up twice and put on probation then I totaled my car. I was waking up everyday sick from stress I did not want to go to work because I felt like a failure and was just plain angry. My car  o lord that was fun first I found out I had a $500 deductible then I found out my emergency room visit and any medical bills would  not be covered by car insurance ( 2 head cts and 3 ex rays) you could say I was upset then I needed a car to get to and from work and of course found out a rental was not included in my car insurance....I was devastated I then got a 500.00 bill from an electric company and the 6 bills of collections in the same week ......it was time to panic.....BUT I didn't I prayed and tried my very best not to stress. I was sitting in the bathroom and just prayed God I cant do this make a way 30 seconds later I get a text saying do you need a car to borrow until you get a new one. 1 week later I found out my car was totaled for almost twice the amount I thought I would get my bank gave me a loan to pay the remainder of my car loan and enough money to get a new car....3 days later I found out workers comp would be paying for all my bills and that they would be sending me to a orthopedic doctor for my back and neck pain. I have also decided to look into being a nanny again and my job has said I can keep my job until I find a job and im still in search of a new car but I know he will provide it will just be in my next blog